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OPEN YOUR EYES TO THE WORLD

My daughter, has arrived on a rainy April afternoon, April 18.
Welcome, God bless you and keep you.

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Yesterday I went for a walk in a park with one of the many aunts, friends of Isabella, who gave her a beautiful hand-woven blanket.

In conversation, I expressed my fears that the child will do really need their dad, who left with a "agujerillo" in his personality by not having that constant father figure. She told me that he knows many single mothers, for whom your child is the best thing that has happened in my life and the children become good and happy people. That quiet on that side.

then continued: "I when I raised the idea of \u200b\u200bhaving a child one thought of the child, for them it is better to have a complete family and should not be so only with a parent and so never decided . Now I have 42 years and I know it's too risky a pregnancy, but I realize that I never thought in me that if being young and single is hard, being old and alone is even more difficult. I did not think a child is company is fulfillment in life. "

I kept a respectful silence while I rubbed his belly and felt the chair legs stretched.

The previous day, had been visited by one of the aunts, friends of Isabella, who brought us fruit and foods rich in protein. She speaks of his nephews, how are the joy of his family and told me the story of a friend who decided to become a single mother's uterus problems for children not to run out and then could not handle the responsibility, leaving the daughter care of his grandmother while she was still living in the same house but rounded all the time it was possible. I can deduce that this woman thought of her becoming pregnant at the time but not the baby.

Two cases, two very different lives but which reflect two ways of facing the same situation.

When I told God that if I was not a complete home if she wanted a child, not wanting to take care of pets and plants when he was older, but grandbabies, believed in me, but now the doors to welcome the baby I think about it ...

Anyway, although I had decided at the heart of one day being a single mother when the time came I was not ready and I q I have not. The situation in which my daughter has been generated has been a bit dull the environment should be complete joy. However, this blog is witness to the joy that is able to discover Life to help bring more life ...

Single mothers, some by choice, others by fear of loneliness, others for "ooops", others because they are separated and unmarried after. Need and how much support can expand our hearts to love those two little ones.

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I've said many times q my body is your house. My belly is your room, your home and now it starts to get close to the big one that you wanted to play around with it before you leave it to enter Earth's hectic world.

Therefore we painted a doll, we are not artists but we had fun much. This picture is for you, in remembrance of when your innocent baby coming, started to brighten my space and fill details.

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Difficulties

Tu ... say ... begetter, petrified in fear and rebellion no longer come to accept that and you come and that somehow, you're set.

I have to assume the very real possibility that does not participate in anything. Last night I tried to discourage me

said, almost shouting, it would be a "financial father" when the law requires it, not before. Do not expect anything more. Abusive. He knows I'm sensitive and spiritual and talking about not seeing you I love you not going to hurt to the core. He succeeded. I think it's the first time around this time that does hurt me.

And I do not know if that is right for you. Every day I tell you, you are full of grace and deserve to be and always feel very loved. Your biological father knows that I prefer to disappear than submit to their scorn.

On the other hand, scares me to face your expenses. I've been working 11 years, always for me and always pay less than the two minima, without getting anything other than support and some savings to finish college thought.

I think being a single mother is not a reason for a company to pay me more. People tell me that you trust in God and I in a sudden and untimely crisis of faith I can only sing with Silvio Rodríguez "... God, whom you gave in communion, God ... that makes eternal souls of children who will crush the pumps and napalm ... "

I know we'll get but I'm in an annoying web, and although I know these are my happy moments with you, the doors of your arrival or your departure rather, I feel a little empegotada of myself, unable to enjoy the I should when I should.

imagine your eyes and look ... try to concentrate on you ... to know I do it well ...

OH GOD I NEED TO HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF ... It

night. It rained a lot and today I cried less. I'm going home. There is a place like a "home" where we are staying and I'm sleeping quietly, not comfortable because it weights a lot, but quiet.

By the way, are a full of grace, a few days ago that one of your uncles, friends you have got a new grandmother and she is the one we have at home. How many people you care.

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Child. You are very active. These weeks before your birth I am awake most of the day and much of the night. I like strong kick but leave me breathless, it is your strength and vitality of my ongoing task.

The weight of your body position cephalic, or head down it hurts to walk. I walk with a swinging right next to another, like a penguin. Anyway, I try to be with you, conversarte or simply pat and caress your house, you know that here I am.

Sometimes things just think q I mean, like you could read my mind and then I laugh at myself and I speak out loud. You're shaking, you shake and move and I laugh.

This week waved a cheerful patadon to medical fingered you and measured you and I could hardly contain his laughter. There you are, alive and full of grace.

I do not know if there is any way you can be happier than me, since I do not feel so happy, I have financial pressures and I think psychologically. Q are the best thing happens to me when the nights are more lively and easily respond to the little games, songs and a flashlight. Sometimes you just watch me move and would like to see a more beautiful to offer, but if God has called to life, who am I to say that it is not beautiful enough.

I'm not so scared with the delivery, it is imminent. The bags are packed. The papers. Camera batteries fully charged. All we need is you decide you and God provided.

The Friday morning before the tabernacle was talking about you with the Lord. I asked him to protect you and protect me from human error at this stage of your birth. That delivery is easier and faster for both. And blessed follow your path, you're happy and very loved.

I do not leave prayers for your dad. But I keep trying. I think of him and I feel twice as tired as I am. You have so much love in your heart to accept these parents so imperfect that you have chosen or that the Lord has chosen you. I would have you to myself and leave him with his mini-world irresponsible ... but I know I have him is a right you and having you as a right of him ...

But I hope, I daydream and I imagine many things life beautiful for you.

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(copied verbatim from an e-mail sent to mail the biological father of the baby)

And I can say ...

I thank you for making me discover my own inner strength.

I have been so brave to bring this pregnancy alone and did not think I could. was so scared since the day I saw the positive test, but did not tell anyone.

was so scared to leave me alone ... and just left alone. I never really knew your true motives, but only turned me back.

I can never explain to anyone what it hurts. And I'm not making a criticism. but a farewell.

Since the baby is born, I'm officially out. 'm only as an intermediary between you.

confess that during this time I hoped something to me ... kind words, a timeshare, consideration, a gesture, but not, being pregnant seems to me a nasty scratch for you, a required number on your cell phone ...

not understand me because my beautiful belly to be a nuisance for you ...

Everyone built their own roads and collect what you sow. I wonder what you pick to impregnate women and leave them then there, humiliated by your indifference or worse, pressuring them to abort.

Now, this era is ending.

days left to reach the world our daughter. always be our wish or even if you continue to ignore.

But best of all, it's mine. I am concentrating on it, every time you someone less important and she is the protagonist. My woman's heart heals and my mother's heart is strengthened. And I thought of his innocent baby I feel calmer.

I want to see her. I want to play with it and say that is very dear and much loved, I've said from ever since I knew I was here with me. I have not told any of your questions and your refusal, I do not know from my mouth. I said he is happy that the world is waiting for God has willed it so.

I hope that she does love it, but nobody forces you to love.

The responsibilities that you are the right of it that we can not deny.

I hope that what follows easier. That do not play the slippery, not to have to chase you give at least the fair and hope that you give him what he deserves and capable to have a good quality of life ...

... that by God, you're more of a man and I do not mean that you're more macho, but more human, PERSON ...

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Say Farewell Letter

My days are quiet in the expectation and exhaustion, but fears are letting charges accumulated on the inside.

things when they are expressed are turning into snowballs thoughts and feelings as they roll accumulate more material, to get a lump in her breast.

Last Saturday I invited someone to sit with me and listen. Every fear, every anxiety or empty feeling when you see him with words takes on a dimension, say, more human, more easy to tackle.

was even younger when I read a lot of Richard Bach and I remember one of his phrases is "facing your fears, Challenge her to do the best we can and when they try, cut them pit. .. " " Every corner you fear, is disguised as air sheer hell. "

And another of Coehlo, Flange. "the night is just part of the day ... can feel equally protected by the light in the darkness."

And while that last sentence sounds odd especially since the book is about a witch, the same idea is in Psalm 139 which says that God is equally clear that light darkness.

But the easiest way to be brave is appropriate to find someone who tell him the things of the heart.